"Is anyone ever truly home?"

I know I am.


When Baba sends me a picture of the first gajar halwa that he made on his own
When Aai wears the dupatta I gave her
When college reopens after holidays and Anna from the canteen readies two 'cuttings' before I ask for them
When the performer hits the upper 'Sa' after the audience has nearly died of anticipation
When I'm atop a mountain and the clouds look identical to how I drew them in school
When I offer to make tea for my grandfather and he happily accepts,
knowing fully well my tea doesn't taste like tea
When my best friend turns into a child when I gift him a Lightsaber on his 20th birthday
When my teacher remembers to get me Aviyal on Onam
When my little cousin wears my grey Superman t-shirt from the time I was eleven.


When I'm hundreds of kilometers away and several thousand feet above sea level, on the phone with my parents, and nothing but sobs and sniffles find their way out of my throat
When my voice cracks, lower lip quivers, not because I want to cry but because I want to beat the living daylights out of the person in front of me
When my hands tremble and I can't stop shaking my foot because of anxiety before an exam
When I can't move a muscle because I'm almost literally petrified of my turn at the dentist
When I spend two hours listening to the same 5-minute song
When I am on the same page for what feels like...a really long time.


I'm home.
Home is where I'm allowed.


As you grow, up, older, warmer, colder
Look for homes; they may not be yours.
Take shelter - don't settle
Learn, and build your own.
Build a home, try -
one with a balcony and a terrace.

not
a fortress surrounded by defensive walls, always expecting attack.

Invite, welcome, feed, nurture, listen.

And if you fail,
when you fail, sweetheart
remember -
even the Universe is still finding its footing.