a case for closure

i was led to believe that closure is a final event. that you only get it once, you grab it and hold on to it with the possessiveness of a dog and his toy. and then you're sorted for life. but i have realised that, that is such an absurdly simple conclusion to something as complex as a relationship. a relationship is two whole people and everything they bring with them - it's their differences and shared experiences and non-shared environments and baggage and red flags and green flags and god knows what else. is it fair, then, to expect one instance of closure, from the other person? one instance which will at once fix every shortcoming, all the unhappiness?

i've found that closure comes in the form of a line from a book, a conversation in a tv show, a friend's anecdote, new experiences with new partners, revisiting old journal entries, even visiting significant places. closure is as much an ongoing process as is a relationship, but it rarely requires the other person; it's mostly you.

i don't think closure is an illusion, i think it's very real. i just think it's more a personal, recurring feeling than a one-time experience engineered by the other person over which you have no control. it's something you build, not go after.